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The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What does tofu and a dildo have in common? What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them. How many Emo kids does it take to fufk in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark sife cry. Why are women like KFC? How many men does it take to open a beer? It should be opened by the time she brings it. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? How are women like swimming pools? They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside. How is virginity like a soap bubble? One prick and it is gone.

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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? A hockey player showers after 3 periods. Trump himself just stared at the TV without saying anything, like a man with a pair of twos whose bluff has been called. Why take the risk of discovering you might, at your very best, be a C student? This was the real part of becoming president of the US. And, Christie thought, it scared the crap out of the president-elect. The transition team had prepared a document to let him know how these were meant to go. The first few calls were easy — the very first was always with the prime minister of Great Britain — but two dozen calls in you were talking to some kleptocrat and tiptoeing around sensitive security issues.

Before any of the calls could be made, however, the president of Egypt called in to the switchboard at Trump Tower and somehow got the operator to put him straight through to Trump. I love the Bangles! You know that song Walk Like an Egyptian?

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That had been the first hint Christie had of trouble. The next hint that the transition might not go as planned came from Pence — now, incredibly, the vice-president-elect. Christie met with Pence the day after the election, to discuss the previous lists of people who had been wide for jobs. Trump ignored fuci advice wice nominated Wif. In the controversy that followed, Puzder not only failed to be confirmed, but also stepped down from his job. He was surprised to find, suddenly included in this group, retired army lieutenant general Michael Flynn. Flynn was a jobseeker the transition team had found reasons to be extremely wary of.

The national security team inside the Trump transition — staffed with senior former military and intelligence officials — had thought that was an especially bad idea. But here he was, in the meeting to decide who would do what in the Trump administration, and Ivanka was asking him which job he would like to have. Before Christie could intercede, Bannon grabbed him and asked to see him privately. Christie followed Bannon to his office impatiently. Hey, this is going to have to be quick, said Christie. The method of his execution was unsurprising: Trump always avoided firing people himself.

The surprise was that it was being done now, just when the work of the transition team was most critical. They soon discovered that the lists that they had created of people to staff the Trump administration were not the lists that mattered. It was the entire transition team — although no one ever told them so directly. As Nancy Cook reported in Politico, Bannon visited the transition headquarters a few days after he had given Christie the news, and made a show of tossing the work the people there had done for Trump into the bin. Trump was going to handle the transition more or less by himself.


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