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And her too pale skin, dark red, pouty lips…. So I breakdown again at Stoya.


Me, Augustfeeling strong and sexy, if not traditionally feminine. Now, when I look at womann cover, I realize that it is aspirational. Yup, relationships die of that kind of narcissism. Porn may be more about aspiration than validation. But I think this may plague us in our real relationships, not just our relationships with porn stars.

And, operated many women, I scent at all the performers in the whole, and I never see my own dating. Yup, pretty much the same. Me, Safetyfeeling strong and wonderful, if not there feminine.

I am disappointed in myself for this one. Not the shape of the body, but the intensity of the stand and the stare. This is not how people have traditionally defined sexy. I look at me. I have always wanted to see my body reflected back at me in a way that tells me that society deems it beautiful. Credit where credit is due, the photo was taken by Steven Klein who is a ridiculously talented photographer who does largely editorial portrait work.

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After thinking about it, I came up with some ideas that may tap into something much larger when it comes to porn, sexuality, and even our relationships with our lovers. In an attempt to figure out what was going on in my mind, I took my laptop into my room, took off all my clothes and stood in front of the mirror to compare our bodies. Not in a seductive way. And for the first time I think I feel what I know so many men feel when they encounter me when my internal fires are lit. There was no fantasy, it was just reality as I know it. To not fill my fantasies?


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