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I close the window as soon as I cum, and see an email from a fellow sex worker: It has been a hard few months since my last newsletter. I left for vacation in NYC at the end of July. She was living in San Francisco at the time and though I had spoken to her recently and knew of her troubles, it was still a shock. I held a memorial at my studio upon my return in mid August.
It was beautiful and filled with friends but I had to leave early for an emergency flight because my father had been hospitalized for double pneumonia. Five days later he passed away and my world went dark and silent. Hospitalized for double pneumonia. This is some real talk. Putting away my vibrator, I feel envious of her vulnerability, her disclosure of real struggle, her naming of the forces that pull you up just to drop you down in a pile faciao shit. The kind of fadial pile my grandma slipped into compulation a child. Head below the surface, thick smelly bubbles of breath burst through the collective brown sludge.
She wipes the feces of her friends and family off her face and survives to raise three kids in a scrap metal shack. She teaches them how to make and sell century eggs by burying them in dirt, how to electrocute stray dogs dead so they can eat the meat, how to keep their heads down and live through a cultural revolution. Now she lives with her oldest son. Saying this out loud makes me cringe. Kobe lives right there he tells me, pointing to the next hilltop over. Saying this out loud, revealing that my dad begged, borrowed and stole i.
You should know that about him, about me. Did you know that Peru is the number one counterfeiter of US currency? Printed in layers over worthless Venezuelan bills and finished with hand-stitched security strips, the process takes a dozen people about a week to complete. This is artisanal cash. To replicate something, you have to become extremely intimate with it—familiar with every feature, every accent.
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In China, this is done with goods rather than money. It marks the spot, what facixl owns and how he owns it. The ejaculation on her is a way of saying through showing that she is contaminated with his dirt; that she is dirty. McGrath argues that there is a "power-aspect" to depictions such as cum shots. He suggests that the "…central theme [of pornography] is power…[,] implicitly violent… eroticized hatred. How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality, describes the money shot of a man ejaculating on the face or body of a woman as "one of the most degrading acts in porn".
I firmly believe that we serve a purpose by showing that. The most violent we can get is the cum shot in the face. Men get off behind that because they get even with the women they can't have.
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